Operation Sitzgoose

[Bill Chapman]

NEWS FLASH
Dallas, Texas
August 10, 2020
Faked, planted & altered by Bill Chapman
Title inspired by 'Operation Mongoose'

MOVER & SHAKER DALLAS SECRETARY ADMITS TO BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HERKY-JERKY MOVEMENTS OF EFFEMINATE DRESSMAKER ABRAHAM ZAPRUDER DURING HIS FAKED, PLANTED, OR ALTERED-IN-SOME-WAY JFK SNUFF FILM

In an interview from Bill Chapman's vivid imagination, Marilyn Sitzman, Zapruder's erstwhile secretary at his dressmaking facility in Dallas, revealed her kinkier side. 'Abraham had James Stewart Syndrome (vertigo) and asked me for support while he filmed', she began. 'He wanted to get up high enough in order to effect an advantageous view of what turned out to be a real nightmare on Elm Street. He had a great view of the singular action that lead to the womanizer being penetrated through-and-through along with the guv (who was almost snuffed himself). But a view not nearly as fine as that of Jackie, OH Lee, Alex Hidell (rhymes with Fidel) or Dirty Harvey.'

'Being a naughty little secretary, I just couldn't resist that butt-end view and so I gave him the 'one-finger-salute' a couple of times.'

'I got the idea from an iron we use in the trade to smooth out garments, called a 'goose', recalled Sitzman. She goes on to explain, 'An effective goosing includes the element of surprise. It is usually delivered at a moment the victim is not expecting it, and may be delivered in a public place but in such a manner that it is rarely witnessed by anyone other than the gooser and goosee'.

Informed later that Zapruder's unexpected jerky movements had caused a good deal of film disruption and CTer mind-blurring, Ms Sitzman replied 'My bad. But in the end it was a win-win: Abe got his snuff film, and—not being one to miss an opportunity—I went ahead and introduced a new dance craze called the 'Herky-Jerky'.

Copyright: Bill Chapman August 2020


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